For Parents

If you notice your child is not acting the same, acting out, etc. try:

Sitting down with them after school and opening a dialogue with the child. If the child wishes not to talk don’t force them but, make the school aware of what you are noticing. Often schools can get to the bottom of what is going on.

Ask other siblings if any trouble is seen at school or outside school with the affected child.

Let them see that you are sincere to help, and that whatever is bothering them is ok to tell you.

Listen for key words such as I hate life, I hate school, I hate "person". Ask for follow up details like you don’t quite understand. Children often blurt out information they are aware of but, it takes adults longer to see the whole picture.

Kids say the worst things but, often they don’t mean them. It is there level of frustration that disenables them to deal with some situations in the correct fashion. If so seek some help for them with a mental health counselor.
Look for pattern changes such as attitude, concentration on homework, stress, isolation, and defiancy.

At bedtime is the best time to find out information from children as they are more open to talking. This is also the time that children reflect on their day and tend to worry the most about the next day.

Having family discussion will further open dialogue and can be seen as a good way for them to express anxieties at school or other places.

Never approach the bullies parents, as this is a job for either the school, or the police (if outside of school). Parents often can get offended when they hear bad things about their child, and it needs to take place in a neutral environment. It is also known that the offending children come from backgrounds of abuse.

If you find that your child has been bullied:

Call the school if during hours of operation.

Write a report to www.CAABI.org to follow up on and we will communicate with the corresponding school.

Find out pertinent information about the children that are doing the bullying and what happened in the incident. Be thorough.

Find out any threats that have been made toward your child, and if it pertains to outside of school; contact the police.

If abuse to your child from another child has occurred call the police and file charges, notify the school if it was on school property, or the activity center they attended.

Please note that most schools only file one simple charge on the student(s) so, your best bet is to file the charges yourself, and let the school know what charges you have filed to keep track of.

Why is it good to file charges?

This is a track record for the child that follows them into more serious offenses later on. Children often don't think about how this will affect them, or how judges or JCS look at these records.

As a parent, when you are going through this, it is important to know that you have to:

Become the expert on bullying.

Document everything!!

You can use a recorder at meetings in the schools, and school board meetings.

You have to start thinking of your child, as they might be in crisis due to the bullying/abuse. Contact a mental health counselor to see where your child is at.
You need to start collecting documents from the school on incidents, as the principal is usually required to make reports.
You need to schedule a meeting with the school, and try to resolve the issues.
If all else fails, and you find no resolve to the situation, contact us and we will help you get to the US Department of Education, and they can and will investigate the matter.
File a form we have with the school.
Know that your child has a right to a safe education.
Be persistent

What else do I need to know?

Are you at odds ends yet with paperwork?

Have you attempted mediation?

NO: Give it a try, it sometimes helps for a neutral party to help you and your child.

Yes: Since you have had mediation take place, then the next step for your mediator is to communicate with your education attorney and work with them to a resolve to the situation, or if no resolve; then legal action may have to remedy the situation.

How does documenting help you?

First thing documentation does is help you provide facts and instances your child brings up when coming home. Date, Time, and what occurred. Some parents have compared this to being paralegal in nature, but is easily done. Having your child keep a journal will also help the process greatly and is a great stress reliever for them.

I have done all that, now what?

Next you should always provide your school administration a copy of the documentation, so it keeps them informed as well. Don't assume the administration knows everything thats going on.

Also provide the copies to the school board members.

If still no resolve contact the DE (Department of Education), the state, and other authorities they can point you to.
If something criminal in nature is happening to your family from the bullies, contact a criminal attorney, education attorney with 504/IEP specialization if you are having an issue with that area, and always check the legal referrals page for up to date information.

If you are having a problem with law enforcement not taking reports, contact your ombudsman.

If you are having an issue with someone judicially, ask the courthouse who oversees them, and file judicial misconduct with their supervising entity.

Have you contacted the attorney generals office, sometimes you can be referred to the crimes unit they have.

Remember you have rights, and reprecussions can result to those who act above the law. As always, consult an attorney for further information.

If you find your child planning to take matters into their own hands with (hitlists, other writings, verbally saying so), then find all knives, guns, or any other weapons and lock them up. Visit your local hospital and admit them for evaluation. Be aware of any cutting, burning, or other self mutilations they may have or try to hide.

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